Part of the fun of going out to eat is watching the show that goes on around the restaurant. Yesterday's lunch at Chili's wasn't an exception. Jane Goodall would be astounded at the very slight advances in evolution that I was able to witness.
1. Just about the grossest thing to watch is somebody dipping their toast, sausage or other breakfast item into sunny-side up eggs. Usually a torn piece of toast is shoved around the yellowish snot like yolk, a fair sized dollop is scooped up and "the eater" leans forward with their mouth wide open and tongue slightly outstretched (like a wide mouth bass with a cow tongue). This lovely sight is often amplified by the "eater" hunching over the side of the table with their neck outstretched like a vulture spotting a freshly run over squirrel. Lovely. (The only people who think that this is acceptable behavior are other SSU egg eaters.)
2. A really attractive older woman, about 60 years old, that was very well put together sat at a table across the aisle from me. She arrived to her table first and her date arrived a few minutes later. They ordered an appetizer of chips and salsa, which prompted this seemingly mature woman to whip out her napkin and tuck it into her collar. A bib for a grown woman. One word. Sexy. Take your chances with the salsa, lady.
3. Children don't know how to properly hold eating utensils because they only eat chicken strips, cheeseburgers, french fries and pizza. All are delicious choices but we are basically raising a generation of Gymboree clothed cavemen. If they should ever use a fork, they vigorously stab at their food like they are going in for the kill. A spoon causes them to hunch over their food, place their lips three inches away from the bowl and shovel the food from the lip of the bowl to the lips on their face. No knives, they aren't necessary, everything must be served in bite sized portions. Just delightful to watch. Never mind that napkins should be placed on their laps and aren't optional bib replacements (Note: This rule applies to everyone between the ages of 6 and 60 year old).
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