Getting My Groupon

In this coming year, I want to get a better handle on my budget.  I want to actually know where I am spending money and make sure it is really being spent on what is important to me.  But, I still want to have fun and learn new things.  One of my resolutions is to take a class every month.  I want to get out and experience life. 

Part of my plan is to use Groupon.com, livingsocial.com and screamingdailydeals.com for this purpose.  In the past they have offered discounts fly-cast fishing and clay throwing classes, as well as, trapeze, sailing and golf lessons.  They also have really good deals for restaurants and other fun activities.

Coming Out of the Dark

Today is January 2nd and marks the completion of one full year of separation from my husband.  We are still not fully divorced, though for all intents and purposes we are through, now it's down to the dollars and cents of everything.  Without a doubt, this has been the most painful and dramatic year of my life.  Pure crazy.  But, I am glad that it is over.  The crazy isn't over, just the year.  I am in a better emotional place, but am not sure I can trust the peace that I feel.  I feel like 2011 will be about building my new life, coming out of my shell shocked state and being the "me" that I am free to be, because I don't have to temper myself to fit anyone else's expectations. I am now free to be who I fully and completely want to be.  But, I am a little scared.  What does that mean? Who am I really? So, I have some things in mind for this year's resolution list. (Yes, there is a list. I cannot limit myself to just one thing. I know it would be wise to focus on one change, but there is so much to do and so little life to do it in.)

Resolution List / 2011

-Learn to really live within a budget

-Take a class every month (something new and different but under $100 per lesson)

     -fly fishing

     -cooking

     -surfing

     -golf

     -drawing/sketching

     -clay turning

     -photography

     -trapeze

     -calligraphy/pointed pen

     -tap dancing

     -some sort of martial arts class (maybe Brazilian or....?)

-meditate daily/spend time with God (specifically set aside for this purpose)

-work on writing my story about what has happened in my life

-come up with a real plan and launch the catering business that I have been thinking about for years

I think it all comes down to living my life in a more deliberate way.  I don't want to be a person that can only live by appointment or who can't have pj days.  But I want to be sure that the life I lead is fun, happy and purpose filled.

Deal(ing) With This

So, the whole thing with separation and divorce is how to deal with...everything. For me, I need an ever changing list of distractions.  My iPhone has been key.  There are a ton of apps and games that have kept my ex-husband from getting a 2 a.m. phone call with a recap, of all my sacrifices and what a douchelord he is. Comedies (Not Romantic Comedies.) are key.  I have also found that I must NOT know what is going on in the world.  The news, politics, talk radio, periodicals, etc. - I just can't do it.  Everything somehow leads back to "him".  The foreign trade agreement that the United States has with China....will no doubt lead to me going on a rant about my ex-mother-in-law and how one sided I felt the relationship was.  So I don't know what is going on in the world, it's better for everyone.  One day I will be able to have an intelligent conversation, based on current events, but for now,  I need to stay clear of anything that will get me going.

But now, almost a year after I left, I am doing better.  I don't see him. I don't talk to him.  Nor do I want to see him or talk to him.  It's not that I feel like I would weaken in my resolve and want to get back together. I just don't like him or respect him, so we can't be friends.

In the meantime, I take classes, if I am invited to something, I am there. (Watching "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey is a must.)  Trying to keep the faith that things will get better has been difficult. (Watching "Facing the Giants" is another must.)  There are still moments where I form truly diabolical plans of destruction, but they are fewer and further in between.  Baby Steps. Baby steps.

 ("deal with this" stamp)

My Happy Sadness

So, my last post was about a year ago.  This blog was supposed to be my happy place and since I was thrust into an unhappy place, I didn't see a way for me to continue without my writing becoming an instruction manual for how a woman could become the most pathetic, angry, sad and broken creature ever put on earth.  

My husband, who I have been with since I was 18, my first real boyfriend, the father of my children had an affair, my partner in life.........cheated on me.  Cheated on our family.  Cheated on our friends. Cheated on our dreams and goals.   Over the last year I have tried to reconcile with him, for myself and my children.  I have tried to reason with him, beg him, cried for him, pretended to be happy so he would like me again.......the list goes on.  But at the end of the day, he preferred his girlfriend named Ericka and not his wife named Erika.  Granted his girlfriend is/was somebody else's wife, but these are details that he doesn't seem to be troubled by.  

Initially I thought I would split my time between my happy blog, Life Look Book and an angry one, "Not The Girlfriend, Just the Wife".  I was going to lay every angry thing out in my angry blog, compartmentalize.  I thought I could keep all my emotions seperate and as long as I could vent, everything would be easier to deal with. That lasted all of two days before I was overcome with anger and grief, crumbled into myself and promptly forgot my password, including the password to the anonymous email address that I would need to retrieve my blog password.  

So here I am, living at my mother's house with my children. (This will not, can not last much longer.) Going to work.  Being my children's mother.  Trying to be more to them that I was before so they don't have time to become overcome by sadness. I've been so busy hating the person that I loved most in the world, wondering why I was so stupid as to trust him. All the while trying to maintain a sense of humor and not totally sink into a deep well of bitterness, sadness and anger.  Meh...I don't know how successful I have been in that area.  

In the meantime, I have missed the process of putting my blog together every week.  So, I decided that since this place is called "Life Look Book", shouldn't it also include a real look at life?  My plan at this point is to continue with "this" how it was and add in real life.  Hopefully, somebody finds some comfort in what I write, and if not, a link to a cute pair of shoes.

The Big Little Book of Happy Sadness by Colin Thompson

g.i. jane

1. new azalea cuff

2. silk streamers tank

3. mohair sweater

4. luxe cargo pants

5. type z booties

a.d.d. is a +

When I was younger all my report cards said that I never performed up to my full potential and that I talked to much.  (But hey, I think I am pretty entertaining and it didn't help when the teachers laughed at my jokes.)  I felt that I was smart enough to complete the work but I couldn't focus long enough to do so.  There were certain subjects that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't retain any of the information, even if I could stay awake long enough to pay attention.  I always had straight A's at the beginning of each semester, no matter how difficult the class, just because the subject was new and interesting.  By the eighth week of school I would lose focus and my grades would spiral downward.  I felt so stupid and was told (and believed) that I was lazy. (A really great selection of bonus thoughts to build on during the awkward teen years.)  I can remember the most random and unnecessary facts but general, useful data - don't count on it.  Now that I am older and have perfected the art of list making I don't feel stupid or lazy, however, that doesn't stop people from talking to me like I am an idiot/airhead from time to time.  

I can see some of the traits and frustrations that I have becoming more apparent in my children.  I don't yet feel a need to medicate or have them checked out.  A lot of dealing with "it" is knowing that you don't have to be the same as everyone else (no matter what the standardized tests results are), setting up structure for yourself and controlling yourself when you can.  These strategies work but there is a point when no matter the effort, you end up getting in your own way.  I have felt like my best isn't good enough and although I know what I must do to be successful, it just doesn't happen.  It doesn't help when I get the "You know how you are...., If you could just....., Why can't you......, Didn't you just hear/say that....., etc."  I know it is hard for people to understand why seemingly simple things can't be remembered. At times it takes a tremendous amount of effort to try to conform and fit in the box that I need to stay in.  I get it, I really get it, I need to be able to complete things and perform in a certain way to function in the world. (I am a master list maker, which has been the most helpful thing for me.) 

I have mostly (come to terms with) with the positive and negative aspects of "this".  I don't think I use "it" as an excuse or a crutch, but as a explanation for why I am the way I am and what I should keep an eye on. 

A life coach who specializes in adults with A.D.D., Pete Quily, wrote this list of 151 advantages that can be attributed to A.D.D.  (Some of the descriptions might be a little far reaching and I suspect the coach might have A.D.D., as well.)  My attention span is so short that I wasn't able to completely read the whole list.

Ability to find alternate paths to overcome obstacles-Able to take on large situations-Adaptive/collaborative-Adventurous, courageous, lives outside of boundaries-Always finding alternate routes to any given location-Always willing to help others-Ambitious – you want to be everything when “you grow up”-Artistic-Attractive personality – magnetic due to high energy-Being able to see the big picture-Being able to see the patterns in the chaos.-Being intuitive towards others’ difficulties-Broad focus – can see more, notice things more-Can create order from chaos-Can do many projects at once-Can make people feel they are heard-Can see the big picture-Can talk about several things at one time-Can think on my feet-Career variety-Centre of attention-Comfortable talking in front of groups-Comfortable with change and chaos-Compassion for others and for themselves-Conceptualizes well-Confidence-Constantly evolving-Courageous-Creates connections easily-Creative-Creative writing-Creative – musical, artistic, “dramatic”-Good in a crisis -Good at customer relations-Dedicated-Detail-oriented-Determined to gain more control-Eager to make friends-Eager to try new things-Empathetic, sensitive-Energetic-Entrepreneurial-Excellent organizers using journals and reminders (notes etc.)-Flexible – changes as the situation requires-Fun guy to be around-Goal-oriented-Good at conceptualizing-Good at motivating self and others-Good at multitasking-Good at problem solving-Good at public speaking-Good at understanding others/mind reading – empathetic-Good conversationalist-Good delegator and good at organizing others-Good in emergency situations-Good listener-Good looking and aware of it-Good people skills-Good self esteem, energetic-Great brain-stormer-Great multitasker-Great self-company-Great sense of humour-Great storyteller-Great with kids (central figure around kids)-Hands-on workers-Hard worker-Has friendly relations with their family-Has the gift of gab-Helpful-Helps others who are also in trouble-High energy – go, go, go-Humour, very healthy, quick picking up ideas-Hyper focus !!-Hypersensitive – very empathetic and good at non-verbal communications-Idea generator-Imaginative-Impulsive (in a good way) not afraid to act-Initiators-Intelligent-Intuitive-It’s ok to not finish everything-Less sleep is good (midnight to 6 am)-Like to talk a lot-Likes learning new things-Look at multidimensional sides to a situation-Lots of interests-Loves to cook and be creative-Magnetic-Master idea generator-Mentoring others/helpful-Mentoring people with low self esteem-Modesty-Move on fast – never hold a grudge-Multitasks well-Never bored and rarely boring-Never intimidated to try new things-Non-linear, multi-dimensional/edge of chaos-Not afraid to speak mind-Not contained by boundaries.-On stage and ready-Optimistic-Outgoing-Passionate-Persistent-Philosophical-Holistic thinking-Playful-Pragmatic-Problem solver-Profound-Quick thinking-Quick witted-Relates to people easily-Resistant-Resourceful-Saves money in the short term by forgetting to file tax returns-See and remember details – recount them later-Sees the big picture-Socially adaptive and flexible.-Spontaneous-Stabilizer during difficult situations-Stable-Successful-Takes initiative-Tenacious-Theoretical-Think outside the box-Thinks 2 meters ahead of the world-Thinks big, dreams big-Thorough-Tolerant-Unconventional-Unlimited energy-Unorthodox-Versatile-Very creative, able to generate a lot of ideas-Very hard working to compensate – workaholic-Very intuitive-Very resourceful-Very successful-Visionary-Visual learner-Willing to explore-Willing to take risks-Willingness to help others-Witty-Won’t tolerate boredom-Works well under pressure-Worldly

(image source)

i am (not) an entertainer

Have you ever noticed that everyone who remodels their house on  HGTV describes themself as an "entertainer".  These "entertainers" spend mounds of money on remodeling their homes so they can invite people over and "entertain" them (all the while spending more money).  I decided long ago that everyone can't be an entertainer, it is mathematically impossible.  In order to keep the universe in order, I have decided to be one of the "entertained".  I am a delightful guest and will always offer to bring a scrumptious dish.  (I completely understand the responsibility that comes with my position.)  This lifestyle choice is carried through at work and the design of my work space.  I am pretty chatty and can get a conversation going that I can't wrap up when I need to.  I start to think about the work that I need to do but I don't want to be rude to my work friends and cut them off. Then the A.D.D. kicks in and I can't listen to what is being said and I can't fully concentrate on planning what work I should do.  I am sure I look like a skittish squirrel when all this is going on.

I have a couple of self imposed regulations that somewhat help with controlling my social based distractions.  First, my office space is the size of a postage stamp and if I was surrounded by barbed wire, it would also be in violation of the Geneva Convention.  Don't get me wrong, I love my little bento box office. I have the best view, out of my entire office, from the window that is right next to my desk.  My desk is also hidden around a corner, so (in theory) nobody can sneak up behind me and see confidential information on my computer or desk top.  I also don't have a real seating area for guests, even the floor space is limited and uncomfortable.  With that said,  people still stop by and aren't so slick with their nosy behavior.

These retractable bands make a friendly, clear boundary and are under $20.  There are about eight different designs, with varying messages that can be chosen from, but they also offer customizable bands. "Thanks for Stopping By - Try Again Later" "Shh.....Make a Quick U-Turn and It Will Be Like This Never Happened" and "Cross This Line and It Will Hurt You More Than It Will Hurt Me" are all possibilities.  They might be a smidge harsh and I might just have to stick with the smiley zipper faced "Don't Disturb" band. (I can also use a combination of sayings, the band cartridges are interchangeable.)

winter in middle earth

I went to a business meeting last year where one of the assistants wore the best California winter outfit. It is a CA winter outfit because it was simple in design, looked really comfortable to wear and could be pulled together in the dark - but was well put together.  The description sounds like I am describing flannel pajamas, but when working really long hours the closer I can get to wearing clothes that are as comfortable as  pajamas, the better.  My only hang up in wearing this outfit is that, unlike the assistant, I am more of a hobbit than an elf. Normally, I am ok with life on the shire but being a fluffy hobbit does have its fashion limitations.   The elf assistant's sweater had a shawl collar and was double breasted; a no-no for a Busty Baggins.  I think the sweater is a better option. The boots are super cute and will either amplify my hip and height challenges or look really cute.  The cute potential of this outfit may lie more with my choice of jeans, this is certainly a wtj outfit.